Late-Night Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Television's leading comedians spent the broadcast mocking former President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa program, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a obvious cash-for-residency system for the rich.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils everything he handles."

The focus was the controversial program which permits international nationals to buy U.S. residency for a sum of one million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for 5 million. An official website pledges approval "faster than ever."

"A quick thought for you to affluent applicants: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the program is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – as long as it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow rich foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings during economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to address affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.